When you are single and searching, there is something about social media that hits you differently. You are no longer scrolling through your screen to just pass time in between meetings, or during meetings, or even on your commute to and from work. No, now you are scrolling social media because it is the only thing you can do. That’s where you meet your fellow charlatans that are maybe in the same predicament as you. These are the guys throwing around funny jokes, sharing crazy memes and creating viral videos that even end up on your mother’s WhatsApp status.
This is when you realize that the internet really was not the next best thing since sliced bread. There people live and thrive on toxicity. The air there is unreal it’s a competition for attention and really so who can give the most scathing comment to an otherwise innocent post for the most reactions. You notice that people have become experts at social engineering with each scroll you either get disappointed, angry or worse still disgusted. There’s just no winning. But seeing as this has now become part of your life you begin to see the social triggers way before anyone else.
Then you come across this group of people that seem in touch with their inner selves. You know the guys who say things like you should go outside and touch grass -it usually sounds like it is something a shaman would tell when you are in the Aberdares; shoal around your neck, heavy knitted Marvin on your head and a blanket wrapped around you from the shoulder down as you sit beside a fire watching the sun say its goodbyes for the day. I imagine people who say that normally have a cup of tea held close to their chests, the kind of tea that is not really tea but tea -if you get what I mean. These guys have an air of importance around them which maybe comes from touching grass. Or maybe it’s the tea. Because frankly sometimes nature does freak me out. There’s nothing sexy about touching grass – have you touched grass before? Even sat on it for a few minutes? Grass likes to fight back. Grass will let you know it does not want you touching it. Grass is Mother Nature’s hair and we all know you do not touch a woman’s hair. So when you do bad things will happen. Your skin will itch, it will send an army of fire ants to teach you a lesson, heck it might just decide enough is enough and bring up a thunderstorm and send a bolt of lightning your way.
This was until I realized it was metaphoric, and according to me it just means to go outside of the thing that’s bringing you toxicity and for me this was a particular social media app so I took a back seat and before the withdrawal symptoms kicked in found a worthy replacement. I did not come across it by accident – the funny thing is someone just hit me up and asked me if I am on Reddit. I have always heard about it and seen screenshots float around on other different platforms from there but I assumed it was one of those social media sites where you go to slowly kill your digital foot print. Either way, I decided to give it a try.
Now here is the thing with Reddit, at first it feels strange. Anything you are trying for the first time feels strange if we are being honest. Even that first time we are all thinking about hehe. With Reddit, there is some sort of science behind the madness. It is not your typical timeline flooded with what some tech guru somewhere in Palo Alto thinks you want to see. It is sort of a tight knit community with strict rules but open to everyone. At first you will feel like a visitor who has just entered a remote village and the locals are intently staring at you with apprehension. They do not shy away and hide from you but they will keep you at an arm’s length patiently judging your intentions before they can let you be a part of their activities. This process starts slow and is like an initiation of sorts. Maybe that is how the platform was designed – to make you earn your right to be there and most importantly prove your worth to stay there.
But over time it grows on you. I have only been there for a few days and the reception is amazing. I do not know if there is an official name for the villagers there but I will christen them red heads. Sounds odd but it also has a ring to it and it is also a selfish attempt to make this article title make sense, so sue me. Red heads are unlike other social media users out there. They are probably the same guys but out here the village has stripped them all the way down to humble themselves. You see in the city (other social media platforms) there is this disgusting tendency where people forget the “social” aspect of it all. It was meant to connect people from all over and allow the sharing of ideas, stories and basically anything under the sun. But this became corrupted when it became a popularity contest.
All you tend to see in the city is who drives what, who wears what, who eats what, who looks better naked, who works where and the craziest of them all (believe me it is not putting up your naked pictures) it is who earns the most. It became a literal pissing contest and if phones ever invented a feature that could engage the sense of smell it would smell of garbage, rotting meat, and the stinging pungent smell of an unmaintained public toilet. In the city it is all about self-promotion and who can shout the loudest. Oh and beware, in the city gangs thrive. There are gang wars every day and if you are not careful you end up catching stray bullets from a fight you were never involved in.
But here in the village everything is different. There are no gangs, there are no pissing contests, it is just plain old community where rule of law is strict and if broken you get banished faster than you can say wantam. I also came to find out that in the village comes knowledge, the elders here are wise and in this wisdom are slow to speak and intent on listening. Rumour has it that if you have a problem and the village elders cannot solve it then you are officially and unceremoniously fucked.
I love being in the village. If this is my version of touching grass I am here to tell you that it definitely is not fighting back as Mother Nature would with her hair. Now I do not know if there is such a thing as a social media fetish but if there is for me it is red heads (told you I had to use this later). They are the most honest (sometimes brutally) but also most accommodating community you will find out there.
If you ever get tired of being in the city I recommend visiting the village once in a while. You might just like it, like I did, and never leave. When you do, you will find me sitting with the elders my cup of tea close to my chest, sipping slowly and listening intently to what they have to say.