For some reason I want to advertise bread. Yes, bread. All you no wheat loving self-discovering people will buy it too. This was just one of those things that just came to me. See I was reading and then this line that is mostly used came up “the best thing to ever happen after sliced bread”. So it got me thinking about bread. But first let me give you some bit of history of bread and myself.
As a kid I thought bread was a miracle. All I knew is I would go to sleep and wake up in the morning and there it was. I never believed in Santa Claus but, I believed in bread. Bread was everything. If you grew up in a typical African parent home then you know if you did not find bread in the morning heads were about to roll. It was just one of those unspoken rules and our parents made it happen. Now, I do see the struggle they went through to make it happen but at that point in life I can tell you I only knew the price of patco because that is the only thing I would buy from the few coins I decided to short change God on most Sundays. Sorry guy in the sky but you understand it is not like you needed it anyway.
There’s a lot that’s been done with bread and I have also been a part of experimenting with it. I have made legendary sandwiches, French toasts and then I discovered burgers. At first I thought those were things you see on TV or only eat at restaurants until I tried making one. First of all why is cheese so expensive? But damn, I got so good at it if you ever want to enjoy a good homemade burger I am your guy. I will shamelessly put myself out there and say if you have never had one of my burgers then you do not know what a warm hug feels like on a cold lonely night.
My process is simple, I get into the kitchen a little bit tipsy the kind where you won’t burn the house down but also won’t start calling an ex talking about how they made you happy. I do not have a recipe to share so if you were waiting for that then I am sorry; I use whatever is there so if Pilau Masala is the only available spice I will use it. Then, this is when shit gets serious. I will tender up that patty cover it in rubs massage it such that if I had a wife she would leave me and tell me to go marry my burger. Not that it is something I have not considered. I will treat the onions with the patience they do not give me when they put tears in my eyes and caramelize them – a friend saw how I handle onions and made me promise that I would be the one there doing it at their funeral, morbid but also selfish because what if I go first? Back to burgers, you have to make one to feel the thrill. Not just throwing in a patty and buns on it and adding veggies to make it a glorified salad. You have to find the right buns, nothing sexual here, but yes you have to find them, you have to get a good butcher because store bought patties are just shit then you have to know how to caress that piece of meat until it is juicy for you. Wait is this post about burgers or bread? I lost myself a bit, that’s how much I love burgers. If it means anything it is also how I get lost when I talk about my girlfriend.
Okay ad guys gather around because this is free ideas for your next pitch.
I’ve been thinking why sliced bread? We grew up when we had boflo. It is time to bring it back. Now think of an ad that targets teens, because we know they influence purchases in the house, The tagline is pretty simple “chagua slice yako” – now you do not worry about how many slices someone ate, instead they just cut the bread to fit their needs.
It can work no?