Women cheat.
And in 2023, there are men who are yet to come to terms with the scale and magnitude of female infidelity and promiscuity. Male players in the game know that women can and often do cheat. However, most men can be painfully naïve and ignorant about female nature. And every day, their girlfriends and wives keep smacking their innocent faces back to the harsh, cold reality that women can cheat.
Male infidelity and promiscuity are grossly exaggerated. Female infidelity and promiscuity are tragically underplayed. Overlooked. Sometimes men just thrive in blissful ignorance. Yet, I don’t know one man who has never caught his girlfriend cheating or flirting sinfully with some thug with a beard.
Promiscuous men at the top are attractive to women. They break their hearts and women make the men at the bottom pay the price. In my simping days (I still simp for Mercy, full disclosure), I saw so many women skip me for the bad boys, got their hearts broken, and they came back to use me as an emotional tampon. Hakuna kitu madame wa Nairobi hawajanifanyia man.
Female infidelity flies under the radar, undetected. Every day men discover irrefutable evidence of their wives being reminded to take emergency contraceptive pills by some dude with a wide nose on his profile pic. Flirty messages are so ubiquitous, but most women are able to fool their men into forgiving them. Men can be weak af. Brave men dump the women and carry on.
Women always force us to focus on male infidelity which is not as common as we are made to believe. We will talk about this someday.
I know many men whose hearts have been broken, men who are anxious about what their wives could be up to. It is worse for the men who are paying expensively to maintain their marriages, yet their wives are sleeping with men out here, left, right, and centre. For men, once you suspect your wife is cheating, your guts are 101 percent right. However, it is the most difficult thing to talk about, especially with fellow men. Your wife cheating on you in some cases is seen as a reflection of your weaknesses, not a reflection of promiscuity. Twisted world. Society encourages this view. That is why in political circles, the worst insult is when a male politician is told, “wewe unakuliwa bibi, ata last wako born si wako.”
Men do crazy things. Yesterday, a friend, who is a rogue private investigator told me of a man who hired him to investigate his wife’s alleged cheating. The PI discovered the wife was cheating, but ended up sleeping with her too, and cutting a deal with her.
So, why do women cheat?
1. High Libido
Some women have a higher libido. Some more than most. Nymphomania is an uncontrollable and excessive sexual desire in a woman. Men who are self-aware are able to know if their sexual energy can match that of the woman they are dating. If it doesn’t match, they are able to let her back on the streets. There are enough idle and muscled men to take her up. Those who fail, and have resources end up with a curious dilemma. The woman can’t leave, but she has to outsource sex from out there. Do your sexual energies match? Is she always satisfied with your work, or she keeps a toy, or she is always asking for more than you can give?
Even so, it will take some men much longer to learn that women like sex more than men. And some harbour really freaky ideas in their minds. See the ease with which they talk about sex and toys here online?
2. Losing Your Frame as a Man
Not an excuse for her to cheat, but another reason why women cheat is when the man loses his frame. There are men who in the course of marriage took to alcohol, become overly fat and unfit, and lose the sense of direction. Besides not satisfying her in bed, the man for varied reasons stops being a man: can’t pay the bills, can’t offer leadership, can’t stamp his authority in the relationship. W.omen hate weakness in the men they are dating or married to. Thus, sometimes, women seek emotional, financial, and social security from men they think are stronger than their current men. It can be with an ex, a boss in her workplace, or some dude with a wide forehead called Fred she met at a conference in Naivasha last Christmas. This kind of cheating normally comes with a lot of disrespect. If your wife or girlfriend ever asked you “what kind of a man are you?” or such questions, know she has some hairy bastard doing bad things to or with her.
3. Opportunistic Cheating
Opportunistic cheating happens when an unexpected opportunity coincides with a bad emotional state with your woman. You quarrel in the morning. There is some bit of silent treatment. Maybe you told her something demeaning. Then there is an office party and cheeky Albert from IT makes her laugh, and they connect and then a mistake happens. It happens at parties, at conferences where your wife meets some lecherous ebony Ghanaian with a voice that makes her legs tremble. There are men who have to sleep with a new woman at every conference or destination they go to. I understand women too do this, lately, but that is another discussion. Opportunistic cheating usually happens once, and most women often shut it down to a cubicle of their best memories known only to themselves or their best friends.
4. Revenge
Revenge cheating never makes sense to me. Yet so many women have told me that they have cheated on their husbands because the husband cheated. And they never felt a tinge of guilt. Not for their husband, themselves, or even the good old virtues we grew up with. I recently asked a male friend why some of these educated women, seemingly with good means and high self-esteem stick with bad and abusive men, when they can simply walk away, and he told me: “That walk away isn’t automatic. They stick around and want to fuck around too.”
My rule of thumb is if my spouse cheats, I don’t revenge. We break up and I go doing my own things out there. But I know life is complicated.
5. She Doesn’t Like You. You Are Just Paying Her Bills
One impossible power women have is that they can live with a man they don’t like, love, or feel at all if the man is paying their bills. Or her love for the man died down the line. It helps that women score far better in performative love than men. A woman can perform her love for you, even bring a child from outside and insist you are the father. When a woman doesn’t like you but she likes your money, she can cheat without guilt or shame. Y’all all know these rich men who are sexually frustrated, some humiliated to a point of buying sex or even sleeping with maids because the wife has zero chemistry with him. If she slept with her hubby, she would be cheating on her boyfriend, and the guilt would kill her.
6. Seeking Validation
The emotional nature of women means that they need constant validation. And social media democratized this. You may forget how cute your wife is, but once she steps into the studio and takes a photo in that figure-hugging red or blue dress and uploads it on the gram, there is no shortage of thirsty and smooth men out here who will throw their shot. If she is an attention seeker and some dude from Homa Bay pulls his charm, she is gone. There are so many flirty men out here who say things they don’t even mean just to get into women’s pants. And women sometimes believe the lies or play along to get some.
7. The friends she keeps
There are men who are liberal and believe that their wife is an adult, and has freedom of association with whomever her discretion tells her to hang around with. And some women are easily impressionable. Some married women keep friends who are single and lead questionable lifestyles. I know a dozen married women who have been recruited to sexual habits, drawn into stuff that if their husbands knew, they would drive their Japanese car to the back of the nearest track. Orgies. Swinging. BDSM. Everything is on the table. Some men are willing participants. And some men, couldn’t care less. Some upper-middle-class marriages are a mess. Audit her friends as I advised in Memos Vol. 1. If she is keeping the company of single, divorced women who subscribe to problematic lifestyles, just know she can’t be different.
8. Lacking boundaries/male besties
There are women who don’t know to keep boundaries. If your mannerless friends get too close to her, she is game. There are women who claim to be having male besties, and their husbands believe them. Hapa, most men are gaslighted to think that the male besties are harmless mentors, colleagues, friends, and all that.
9. They are human
The last reason women cheat is that they are human. When you think about it, women don’t even cheat for a reason. Or they don’t need a reason to cheat.
Someone once said that women are men with good PR, go figure.