Mid-30S Dating Questions

By The Kenyan Bar Guy

Published on 15/06/2023

Before we start I want to make something completely clear, so let me put on my safety helmet and get a riot shield just in case I know this will jolt some of you back into reality: Dating IS NOT exclusive unless stated otherwise. Dating is NOT EXCLUSIVE. So do not let it get to your head that because you are dating you have a partner. So, just cause s/he asked for permission to buy you coffee, cocktails or whatever it is people buy on dates nowadays, do not start planning a future. Live your life. Leave that date when it is over, say you had a good time, and go on to the next one.

On the flip side, those in a relationship can date each other – it is the cute little things that keep the flame alive. Though we have seen instances where those in relationships too are not exclusive and are allowed to date other people. Yeah, your mind is spinning too? Now imagine I had to put on a helmet for this. I needed to make this clarification beforehand because there are some bitter unmarried people who are delusional enough to fall in love with the slightest scent of another human then they will chase this one memory, and this leads to a series of disastrous experiences.

This whole country is an entire mess, and it is spilling over into people’s social lives. If you are not worried about the current rising cost of electricity, how Westlands always seems full, or that you can actually cook meat without oil – you have to worry about meeting people. New people are the ones who cross against your sight of path, you bump into each other, smile, and exchange numbers. Only here the sight here is the internet and since you are in your mid-30s most probably Facebook or if you are hanging onto the frivolity of youth then Instagram or Twitter. You would not know where TikTok is if we used Afya Center as a benchmark for directions.

This is where the waters get murky. The talking stage speech has been exhausted enough already. But to bury it completely, if a conversation goes past two days with no clear CTA – yeah that’s a red flag just walk away. Save your dignity and most importantly your data – did you see the government wants to increase charges on that? But it would not be so bad if I was paying higher internet fees in my own house he he.

So, in this piece, there will be two people I will refer to. The dater – the one who initiates the date and the one who MUST pay for the date. Gender wars are over now it is 2023 and if this irks you I know a place where people can go and feel bad. The other one is the datee – this is the one that has accepted the offer to go on a date. Keep this in mind as the story flows.

As a dater, it is important to make your request as polite, concise, and as effective as possible. Think of yourself as an assassin who only has one bullet left in the chamber – aim well and take your shot. Time is too precious to run the wheel like hamsters chasing a piece of cheese. This tactic is simply being cordial and possibly reintroducing yourself, saying what brought you this exact point and why, then finally close with an offer with exact details including the time, location, and dress code if any. You notice how wedding invites never beat about the bush? Yes, that should be how your shot looks like too.

As a datee your work here is simply cut out. The offer is on the table. No stringing people around. We all know at this point. All information has been laid out bare so your reply should also be courteous with an affirmative yes or an affirmative no. Rescheduling can be accepted under special circumstances but one thing that will not be tolerated at this point is giving the “let me think about it” ruse. I know the thrill of the chase and all that nonsense Hollywood ploughed into our impressionable minds back in the day still linger at the back of our heads, that the thought of such a request massaged your ego and you felt wanted again – I call bullshit.  RSVP and move on.

As a dater the one thing you should ALWAYS avoid and just reiterate this for the people who skim over – asking the datee where they want to go. This is like asking someone you’d love to cook for them at your place then in the same breath asking what estate they prefer as if you would move overnight to accommodate their interests should they say for instance Kilimambogo.  As a datee when this question is thrown your way, do not think about all the amazing places that have left your fingers with a muscle pull on Instagram – throw the ball back in their court and tell them to surprise you. This would be a great Mexican stand-off and the datee always wins. If nothing productive comes out of it cut your losses. Anyone that wants to date you will know where to take you it is not a merry-go-round unless they are actually taking you to a fun park. Now that would be nice.

Remember the dress code? Wearing something nice is not a dress code. To this writer – something nice is a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt with a hoodie, and when I am feeling fancy a pair of sneakers, but Crocs usually does the trick. So, if you were to tell me to wear something nice you might enjoy a pajama date with me or be embarrassed on my behalf because I have no shame. Now there are daters who will just insist on the “anything is fine” routine. Which ironically is fine. But to keep things interesting here is where I will split the genders kidogo. Men, show up like Kennar with a kiss of Jalango from the Reddkyulass days. Wear your biggest smile, no wait, wear the most foolish smile you have, and be just the right amount of obnoxious. The dater might like it, find it amusing even and things will either end before they start or Launchpad you into a hot relationship.

Women, sadly I do not have much to give you on this. But what I do have is going to be glass breaking. Show up in a wedding dress complete with a corset and two ladies behind you who are bodyguards but really are bridesmaids he he. Let the dater know off the bat you were serious. Absorb the stares and applause you will obviously get. Watch the dater squirm in their seat not knowing which is the fastest route to a window with a bathroom – or is it a bathroom with a window? See I am already confused, and I am not in that situation. Again, this is a hit or miss. You might scare the dater away or you might just intrigue them enough to take things to the next level.

Oh, and before I pen out, forget all the cynicism, and remember one important thing when dating in your mid-30s it is not awkward if you ask, “What comes after this”. We cannot predict the future, but we might as be sure as hell to have an idea of where it is going.

That’s it guys.

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